"The lesson about letting go"

As many of you know, this past summer, I found out that I had lost my auto-advancement into the Physician Assistant Program. In one of my classes, I got a C- instead of a C, which I needed to stay in the program. This threw me into a state of questioning, Really, God? Another closed door?!

As I reflected on the past 3 years of my college career, it seemed like God kept telling me to let go of things--first the swim team, then Tri Delta, then Young Life, and then the Physician Assistant Program. Like I shared in a previous blog post, I learned that God was teaching me to find my identity in nothing except Him. With this motivation in mind, I followed hard after Him, trying to see where He is leading me now. Three months after he closed the door to the Physician Assistant Program, he placed a passion and calling in my heart to love on the abandoned orphans in China.

I got more and more excited as I researched more and talked about it more! I became more sure that this was what I wanted to do. But there was so much uncertainty still. I had changed majors from PA to Communication Sciences and Disorders but still had no idea how I could ever use that to help the orphans in China.

As I prayed hard for the Lord's plan for my life, doors began to open. I came across an article that talked about China's great need for Speech Language Pathologists, a friend got me connected with a woman Kelly Raudenbush who works closely with an orphanage in China; and then one day, my Chinese professor recommended that I apply for a Fulbright scholarship to study in China for 8 months.

The more I researched the Fulbright program, the more excited I got! I would be studying in the same city as the orphanage Kelly worked with! So, with only 8 days until the application deadline, I started working on the application. To my surprise, I was able to finish 8 essay questions, make a resume, send my transcript, get two reference letters, schedule a doctor's appointment and send my application package just in time for it to arrive on the due date.

Within three days, I found out that I got an interview. And in under 24 hours, the Lord opened the doors for me to get to Boston, Massachusetts for the interview. The trip to and back from Boston was one of the most incredible trips of my life. It was so last minute and because I had NOTHING planned in advance, I found myself praying for God's grace, having faith that somehow He would provide. And every time, He did.




He provided a place for me to stay at Boston for two nights for free.


He gave me a seat on the plane next to a CEO, who helped me practice for my interview.

He protected my road back to Indianapolis, where there were 81 tornado touchdowns in the path before me.

 

 

He provided friends who welcomed me into their homes and dorm rooms, and treated me to meals. There was NO question that He stood by my side every minute of the trip, providing for things I needed that I didn't even think of.

 

 

 

 

Two days after I returned to Indianapolis, I got an email congratulating me on receiving the Fulbright scholarship to study in China for 8 months! I was moved to tears. Why?

The last three years of learning to let go of so many things has been SO hard for me. The uncertainty, the poking at my pride, the discouragement--it ALL led me to this. Now, I'm not saying that everything in my life happened just so that I could receive this scholarship. But I am saying that sometimes God calls us to let go of things WE see as great opportunities so that we can trust that HE will open the door to something even greater. I have learned that when God wants to open doors, He WILL open doors. And the doors that He opens are often times waaaaay beyond what we could ever imagine.

 

Receiving this Fulbright was beyond what I could have ever imagined. This news brought me to tears because I realized how much God saw me. He saw my discouraged heart but He also saw my faith (even though it was little). He saw my desire to do what He wants to do with my life. He saw my obedience when He told me to let go of swim team, Tri Delta, Young Life, PA, and now with this program, I'll have to let go of RA and Butler and everything here in America. He heard me when I was crying out to Him to provide a way for me to go to Boston, MA for the interview.

Tears kept coming because at  this very moment, I realized what an amazing God I serve.

Tears came because I experienced the sovereign God at work.

Tears came because I have never felt Him provide for me so personally.

Tears came because God is SO good to me.

Tears came because I have experienced just how well God loves His children.

 

To be honest, I still lack so much faith. I know I do because leaving for 8 months scares me. I have to let go of everything I'm doing in America. I don't know any of the 16 students in my program. I don't know what church I'll be going to when I'm there. I don't know how hard the classes are going to be. But the second I start questioning and doubting, I have forgotten the lesson God has been trying to teach me.

 

The lesson about letting go is much more than just clubs, teams, and roles; it's about letting go of control and trusting in Him.